Hark (ashteth) wrote,


It's that time again!

S.A.D. blows goats in Hell. There seems to be about two hours of sunlight a day (which, HELLO, last time i checked this wasn't the North Pole, so WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?) and those two hours are a miserable grey.

This = sad bunny me.

Only not, 'cos something has altered in my body chemistry (possibly it's the change in tablets) and i don't get sad so much as i get mad. No, not mad, MAD.

MAD MAD MAD, tearing at my hair, skin's too small, skin's too itchy, everything's out to get me so GET IT FIRST, KILL IT DEAD, EAT ITS FACE, CHEW ON ITS EYEBALLS, STAMP ON ITS REMAINS!

And, i really don't know how to deal with that. i'm not an angry person. If i get mad it's in tiny increments, and mainly it's about stuff i can't do anything about - so i just let it go.

But this i can't let go. It stays there, filling up my chest, drowning me in waves upon waves of MADMADMAD ANGRYANGRYANGRY MADMADMAD. And just when i think i've got it tamped down i'll do something inconsequential (like drop a pen, or leave a cup of tea to go cold) and MADMADMAD ANGRYANGRYANGRY MADMADMAD HARK SMASH!

vonquixote thinks that the anger is healthier for me. Maybe 'cos it's more proactive than the Just-Lay-Down-And-Die Sadness (like in Serenity. That bit about the drug they release on Miranda is just what it's like.) But... i don't know. *shrugs*
Tags: green slime, the mental

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